As time wears on, I have to admit. I have dated many more men that I thought I would. At first, I was dating because I wanted the fairytale that all little girls want. The prince that comes in and is amazing and you fall in love and live happily ever after. The LIE that we are looking for and only few will actually see as a truth.
I have dated short guys, tall guys, hot guys, nice guys, lots of guys. My friends ask me who am I dating now and behind the question, I often think they're secretly thinking--slut. I've learned to accept it and not be upset by this thought. Because as one of the men stated, no one knows what really happens between us. The us being any man I have dated or am dating.
Like any other "typical" person, I want the forever. I am searching for the "one" that will give me butterflies, take care of me, and love me for the rest of my life. In my search, I meet, go out with, and flirt with various men. I don't necessarily sleep with them.
There have been a few that proclaimed that they were the "one". The first time a man said this, I believed him. I thought, if he saw me as his forever, then he might actually be it.
Well, a background and three dates later, he was NOT the one. In fact, I don't even think anything he told me was the truth about himself. Making me wonder, what was the point in all that? What was he trying to obtain from it? Did he just want sex? Was he sadistic and did it for his own flattered, I sensed that he was playing me although I never knew why.enjoyment? I mean how many guys say they could see themselves with you, and claiming you were going to go home and meet the parents? For what reason? It made no sense.
The latest one that has claimed he's the one for me, is a bit different from the first one. (Yes, I did check his background to see if he was really who he said he was. I guess that some might wonder why I do that, but in today's society, I have access to do it and I feel it protects me in the long run). Anyway, he's pretty good looking and I feel a sexual chemistry that I don't feel with many. He is also unlike anyone I have dated. By that, I mean that he has a bushy beard and is over 6 feet tall. As a tall woman myself, I often times have trouble meeting anyone taller than me. He also is smart in some aspects, but seems very lost or naive in other ways. It's difficult to describe unless one has met him. His claims are that I am everything that he envisions in a woman, mate, friend, lover, and wife. He proclaimed many pretty things to me and has even asked if I would consider marriage.
I would be lying if said that I haven't. I have considered what life would be with him by my side. Physically, we make a good match. Sexually, he takes care of my needs and is a great lover. Emotionally, I feel full and happy.
This leads me to the BUT part of the story. But I'm not sure that I can fall in love with him. I actually called my friend last night in a panic and asked her to help me. I think I pleaded. With me dating more than one man, how can I be sure that he is the one? Could I actually fall in love with him? Should I run? These were all the things that were played out during our conversation.
In the end, we both concluded that he might be the one. Only time will tell. It's ok that I am dating two other great men at the same time, as long as I'm ok with it. After all, the "one" is the only guy that has said he wants me to consider him long term. The others are great guys, but have yet to say the word-"exclusive". And as she pointed out, how many women do I know that have actually fallen in love with three men? None. I know of not one woman that has.
So my hopes are not that I find the "one", but that my heart picks just one guy and that I get those butterflies that I so want to feel when I see or kiss one of them. She has faith in me that I will find him. I guess it's my turn to have the same faith.