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the ALMOST first time

As a divorcee you get a chance to date however you feel you can. In today's dating world you there are so many options. You can use the apps such as Tinder, Bumble, Go Fish, and others. Then there's the FaceBook pages that you can join. The possibilities are endless and often times, useless.

For my first date as a "single" lady, I met a man I had met on Bumble. He was handsome, well-spoken, and interested in what I had to say. Immediately, I'm thinking, "wow! I found one already! How did I get so lucky the first time out of the gate?" Lucky yes, but how?

Well, lucky because he was all those things, but he wasn't for me. Our dates where fun, and interesting. The kiss, especially the first one, was intense. He cupped my face and kissed me deeply and long. It was erotic, sensual and sweet. I was hooked!

Within a matter of three dates, I had decided to stay over, and yes, sleep with him. I was ready! I knew I wanted him and he seemed to want me. That's the key word, "seemed". The foreplay began, clothes were off, kissing passionately--I was ready. As we rolled around his bed, I knew I wanted him. During my marriage, I don't remember feeling like I did at that moment. I was on fire! I wanted him so much, I wasn't even considering what would happen after.

Then it happened. He stopped! He then began mumbling something about if we did it, we would have to be "exclusive". I was baffled. Exclusive? What? Ok, I could be exclusive. I was ready. I was very ready! I kept saying that. Ready for what, I'm not sure. I just knew that I wanted him.

Well, he apparently wasn't ready. He stopped everything. I was shocked. What man stops with a naked woman in his bed?! That's when I realized, the dating world that I had been use to, was not the same. The rules had changed.

We discussed that evening, and agreed that we would try again later. Later turned into never. I never went back, and he never asked me back. Over time, we stopped speaking to one another except for an occasional text. Texts now that come every few weeks and sometimes months. The latest one was a few days ago and included a reflection on his part to our "almost" moment.

He wants to see what he missed he claims. He says in the past few days, he's thought of me, and thought of those moments. He wonders what it would be like and asked if I ever wondered. I have wondered, and even wished. But I'm not gripped by the same desire that I remember having for him the first time.

So as we left it, he wants to see me again. Not to recall our few casual dates together, but for sex. Will I go? I haven't decided yet. I am actually just going to do what I feel like when he asks. If I am in the mood to give that a try, I will. If not, then I'll make up an excuse and leave it alone. Either way, I'm not going to lose sleep over it.


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