The present dating world is tough. Now factor in three, four, or five men. No, I’m not currently dating that many, but I do recall one week where each night I had a date with a different man. That was initially when I first got divorced. I guess I needed something from it. It made me wonder what I was really doing. Was I on the hunt for a mate? Looking for a good man? Or was I just lonely and afraid to admit it to myself?
As time has progressed, I continued the pattern. I was all those things, and eventually over time managed to find three men that professed to be for me. Three men—all good men. How did I get so lucky? How do I choose? When do I choose?
Let me begin by telling you about each of them, then how I have managed to maintain a relationship with each of them. First, is Singleton, the man that I have known the longest and have grown to love. He’s unique, as they all are, but he is truly one of a kind. He’s tall, intelligent, witty, and very sexual. Nothing unique about that, right? Well, he’s all those things, after you have known him for a while.
When I first met him, he was the perfect example of a gentleman. Opened doors for me. Pulled out the chair for me. Never made a pass at me. Insisted on picking up the bill. Had a gift or surprise for each date. Wonderful, chivalrous things. I once asked him why he didn’t hold my hand or try to kiss me for so long, and he responded by saying he didn’t want to scare me away.
He didn’t scare me away—I was entranced. I was smitten and enjoyed every minute. Then came our conversations, they were in-depth, thought provoking, and always left me wanting more. He never initiated sex as we grew closer, I was always the one chasing him. He once told me it was part of the foreplay for him. He said he wanted me to think he wasn’t interested—playing hard to get. It worked. We have fun together—sexually and otherwise.
He never went to college, but has a very nice and recognized career—he does very well for himself. His career and mode of thinking, makes him conscience of things that others might overlook. This is also why he claims he doesn’t like speaking on the phone, so most of our conversations are via texts. Something I had to eventually accept.
This leads me to the other part of Singleton’s characteristics. He’s a man who is set in his ways. He enjoys being alone. He enjoys cooking. He enjoys staying in verses going out. He is set in his ways to the extent that I often ask him, why did he need me? To which he responds that he enjoys making me smile, and likes my company. Generic answer if I ever heard one, right? Well, it got more complicated, and over time, he insisted that since I had just gotten divorced, he didn’t want to rush me. Rush me? What the hell? Really? So he hasn’t. In fact, he’s gotten quite good at avoiding the commitment conversation. It’s for his reason that I met and began dating man number two, known as Goodman.
Mr. Goodman is a great guy. He’s educated, well spoken, very outgoing, loves fast cars, a single father to a great little boy, and well off. All my friends think he’s great, and he’s perhaps the nicest man I have ever met. Makes you wonder why he’s one of three and not the only one doesn’t it? Well, he’s a good man, and I have never been treated so good until I met him. He literally puts my napkin in my lap for me. He walked me to my door on our first date and kissed me on the cheek. If he misses my call, he immediately calls me to apologize for not getting to the phone on time. During us making love, he asks me if I’m ok. Yes, he’s great! I realize he’s terrific in his behavior toward me. A girl couldn’t ask for more. Now you’re expecting the but of this right? It’s coming.
But, if you’ll notice, Goodman has along a few lines about him. Our relationship is very generic. If you ask him what my favorite color is, he can’t tell you. If you ask me what his childhood dream was or where he grew up, I couldn’t tell you. He’s never asked me what fears I have, or why I have a bike in my study. Our conversations are simple, easy, and generic. Sometimes I wonder if he’s in love with the surface me and might not like the “real” me.
I had a friend once said that she couldn’t believe I could keep the information and conversations straight about each them. She said she noted that I remember very specific things about the gentleman I was with, and complemented me on my great memory. Well, it’s easy when one is more in-depth than the other, and although they are similar in their behavior towards me, they have their distinctive characteristics—insane long talks that are born from arguments and generic conversations about work and friends. Easy for me to keep them separate.
This leads me to the final entry in this dating saga—the driver. I did not expect to introduce anyone else into this mix when I meet Driver. I was traveling for a conference and he was my driver that evening. He was very tall, seemed very shy, and there was something about him that caught my attention. I actually started the conversation about places to visit while I was in town, and he offered to help me and we exchanged numbers.
I didn’t think much would come from this, but we did go out on my last evening in town. He took me to a small, dark, and romantic little bar. We spent three hours talking about our lives, our past, and what we wanted for our futures. I felt very at ease with him.
When we ended the night, we kissed good night. It was sweet and made me smile afterwards, especially when he stepped back and said, “wow!” I said goodnight and headed to my room. As soon as I approached the elevator, he texted me and said that kiss was unlike any had ever experienced and didn’t want to let me go. It made an impression on him.
Over the next few weeks, he called daily and we spoke about various things. He would come to visit and eventually, I found myself really liking him. He had come in and swept me off my feet. I was convinced that he was the one. He was a combination of Singleton and Goodman, and he said I was perfect for him.
Here’s the interesting part, he knew about Singleton and Goodman. He knew that I was dating both of them. He also knew that I was looking for a forever with someone. Someone that was going to have to accept me for who I was, take care of me, and grow with me. I told him, I wasn’t going to wavier in want I wanted. According to him, these comments added to his theory that I was his ideal woman.
This lasted for a few months, and then he vanished! He had repeatedly promised to come celebrate some new milestones in my life, but failed to follow through. He sent me a text saying he felt horrible and I didn’t hear from him for weeks. After some time, I sent him a message, then another, and finally one last message a few weeks ago. The final time, he responded. He claimed he had misplaced my number and after his failed promises, he figured I had written him off too.
A few days later, we met for lunch. He insisted we should talk in person. It went well, but some of the feelings that I initially felt for him were no longer present. I think that the time, and disappointment won over. He insisted he had learned a lesson, and that he was embarrassed because he was going through things financially and didn’t want to involve me. He also said that from now on he’d prove how important I was. That in his heart, he knew I was the one for him. He even went as far as saying that if he could prove his worth, he wanted to eventually marry me. Again, pretty words. All these were pretty words—just words.
This is where I am today. Three men, three different roads, and each potentially good matches for me. Each also with their good and bad points. So how will I choose? How will I decide which path I will follow?
I don’t know, and I’m in no hurry to decide. I spent years married. As one of my friends pointed out, I have been married more years of my life than I have been single. Why am I going to decide my path today? I need to know who I am. I need to know and date myself. I need to know what I like to do, or don’t like. I need to feel what it is to be a single woman.
Here’s the irony, Singleton has been saying this to me all along. When he first mentioned it, I was appalled and angry. I was thinking he was trying to push me away. Little did I know that maybe he had a point. I want to know what song makes me want dance. I want to explore different cities. I want to learn what flavor of cupcake is my favorite. I want to see what book moves me. I want to know who I am.
Once I know these things, then maybe I can see if I want to be with Singleton, Goodman or even Driver. Until then, I’ll enjoy their company. Experience things with them. See where things take me. I will wait on picking a path until my heart says, this is it. This is where you are meant to be. After all, they are three great guys, and if they really want a life with me, they’ll be patient and let time decide. My heart is smart, it will know who it wants to beat next to. It will know who my forever is when it’s ready.