As a woman in her 40's, I have obviously experienced sex. I have experienced sex, but hadn't really hadn't sex with someone who was experienced. What's the difference? Does sex really get better the older you get?
Married sex, starts great. Then gradually, it becomes married sex. Sex that includes setting time aside or planning a few quick moments for one another. Times of tearing clothes off and having sex on the spot have passed. Married sex is simply sex with more restrictions and less time. Sure it can still be steamy and on the spot if you are home alone, or not too tired from a long week of work. For the most part, many couples find themselves too tired. Can't find a moment without kids or responsibilities. Or simply the sizzle has faded out.
That brings me to divorced sex. It can be slow and sensual. It can be quick and fierce. It can be steamy and exhausting. It can memorable or regretful. Despite what it sometimes can be, there is something it always is, whatever I want to be. Why? Because if I want to have sex, I can, and no one is going to go to bed angry. If I don't 'feel like having sex for weeks, I don't have to. I decide!
Why is divorced sex these things, because I have experienced married sex. I know what I like. I know what I want. I know how often I want it. Why? Because for years, it was the same, with the same partner. Now it's time for a change. To see what things, I enjoy. Men are more than willing to help in this endeavor. I have had several wonderful helpers, and a few not so wonderful.
The first experience immediately after the divorce is much like losing your virguinty. It's awkward. You're nervous and it might even hurt a bit—much like my first time. My first time, I was stubborn and didn't hesitate—that was until afterwards. Then I questioned whether it had been too soon. Would he call again? Was I any good? Looking back, those things fade, and weren't as dramatic as they felt at that moment.
As for my first time as newly single, it started simple enough. I was on my fifth date with him. We had been making out like teenagers during the previous dates. My libido was higher than I ever remember it. We kissed, and then he began to play with my top. I began tugging at his pants. We continued this dance for several minutes, until eventually I stopped him. I just asked if he wanted to stay the night and not to sleep. Almost immediately, he hopped up and started undressing. Not the romance novel scene I had envisioned, but by that point, I just wanted him. He had previous packed a bag in anticipation of what might happen that night. He fumbled through his bag looking for protection. When he found it, he held it up as if it were a gold medal that he just won. The rest was easy, sweet and sensual. He caressed me. Kissed me. Entwined his fingers with mine while we made love. We talked as we moved. It was so erotic. I had never felt so sexy, so wanted, and so satisfied. He had awakened feelings and sensations in me that I had no idea existed. It made me want more and more.
I got more, much more as time passed. One such occasion was during the course of him making dinner. I was flirting with him, and he asked me to stop. As I stated, I am stubborn. I returned to flirt with him a second time but this time all I was wearing a t-shirt and nothing else. That got his attention. We ended up having sex on his kitchen counter. On another day, when he opened the door, he found me standing there in a trench coat with nothing underneath. That day we spent several hours having sex on his couch.
One my favorite moments was in the shower. As I showered to get ready for the day, he hopped in and pinned me to the shower wall. He held my hands over my head as his kissed my neck and down my back. He turned me around and repeated this to me while I faced him. It was intense! I was late for work that day.
This level of intensity has continued each time we have been together. He, however, has not been my only sexual encounter. I have had several more. Some were regretful. Some were spur of the moment. Some were a surprise. Some I would prefer to forget. Perhaps one of the most brazen times was one of the most erotic. I had gone on a blind date and had a little more than I anticipated to drink. He had insisted on walking me to my car. He opened the passenger door so that we could talk until I was ready to drive home. As we talked, he hopped into the passenger seat and began kissing me. As he kissed me, he hiked up my skirt, moved my panties over and began having sex with me. I wanted to stop him, but it felt so good that I didn't. It didn’t last long. He stopped and jumped in the driver's seat. He drove me to his apartment, and we didn't speak as he drove. I followed him in. He led me to his bedroom and repeated what he has started in the car. This time he removed my panties, and kept my skirt on. I simply enjoyed his attention. He stopped and said he had to taste me, and he did. I had an orgasm almost immediately. When we finished, we fell asleep. Within a matter of hours, he was up again, repeating the process. I was in a cloudy haze, unsure of what was happening. Again, I climaxed quickly. This experience was one of the most memorable thus far mainly due to his oral skills.
There have been other memorable ones as well, and memorable in a good way. Regardless, I do not regret any of them. Some even made me feel empowered. For example, I knew that one man wanted to have sex with me, so we had sex. He raved about how much he had looked forward to it. He kept saying he thought I was amazing. I simply let him finish, chatted for a bit and got dressed and left. He asked me several times to stay the night, but frankly, I didn't see the point. I wasn't looking for anything with him. I was just having fun and seeing if I enjoyed the time with him. I didn't really, so I saw no need to drag it on any longer. Who wants to continue seeing a man who didn’t even consider if I enjoyed it?
Don't get me wrong, I haven't had numerous sexual encounters. Overall, I'd have to say I’ve been with four or five men at the most. In the process, I have decided that I'm the one that makes the call whether I want to or not and what happens next. Men do this all the time. They find a woman, have sex, and then if they enjoy it, they call or might see her again, or even occasionally fall in love with her. So why can't I do the same?
I am now dating three men exclusively, so I am no longer interested in looking outside those three for sex. Each of them is a great lover, and I am completely satisfied. But if I had to look elsewhere, I know that I would no longer be the unsure or worried like I was previously.
Sex now is differently better. I'm not sure if it's my age or that I've learned a few things while being married. Or if simply being divorced intensified it. What I am sure of, is that it's my call. I'm placing the order. I make the call to get what I have a taste for. I decide what, who, when, and how often. I'm not a selfish lover by any means, but I do know what I want. Right now, I am having exactly what I want, and see no reason to change it.